Title: Prisoners of Love
[The episode starts with Finn and Jake sledding down hills with an office chair in the Ice Kingdom and laughing. As they go down a hill at high speed they smash of the head of a Snow Golem, who promptly replaces it with a cat's head and meows. As our duo goes up in the air and falls back down, the chair breaks.]
Finn: Oh, no, our sled's broken! Hey, let's build one out of snow! [Starts to gather snow]
[Jake grows to giant size]
Finn: What are you doing, Jake?
[They both laugh]
Jake: Sleds are for s**ers. Just ride on my gut.
Finn: Okay! [Jumps onto his gut and they slide down a hill]
[They slide past Iceclops who reaches for them but falls on his head in the snow]
[Jake shrinks down and hops on to Finn's back as he slides down the hills until he begins to freeze]
Finn: [Frozen] Switch back! Switch back! [Jake grows and they switch again as they slide through a horde of penguins]
[They fall through a tunnel with penguins on Jake's stomach, and they pop out of the end of the tunnel, the penguins fall off and our duo soars through the air]
Finn: Ha Ha!
Jake: I'm a flying dog! [They fist tap in midair]
[Back on the ground, Ice King is shoveling snow into a wheelbarrow when Finn and Jake come crashing down, creating a crater]
Ice King: What?! [Approaches the crater] Who dares enter the Ice Kingdom?!
Finn: Aww, Ice King's here.
Ice King: You know why I'm here? Do you know what "Ice King" means?!
Jake: Yeah, I know what "Ice King" means: A big nerd!
Finn: Oh ho oh! Holy cow!
Ice King: It means I'm King of Ice! This is my domain! And you are violating Ice World law--trespa**ing!
Jake: Come on, brother! We're just trying to beat the heat.
Finn: Yeah! There's a big sleeping lava man in our front yard, and he is SOOOOOOOOOOOO hot!
Finn: Wait, wait, no, I take it back. I mean, not like "s**y" hot.
Jake: No, no, you do mean "s**y" hot.
Finn: No, I mean--
Ice King: [Annoyed] I don't care! This is my kingdom. You guys can't just scoot about on my land willy-nilly. I've got rules here.
[Finn and Jake are building a small snowman]
Finn: [Sighs] Why don't you just try being cool.
Ice King: [Flips out] What?! I am the king! I am the king of c-cool c-co ca... That's it! Rise, monsters of snow, and go beat up Finn and Jake! [Uses magic to bring out snow monsters]
Jake: Uh oh.
[Finn and Jake fight the snow monsters and win]
Ice King: [Angry] Ooh, you guys are gonna get it.
Finn: Heh heh, yeah.
Jake: Yeah, right, sure.
[Ice King freezes them where they stand, Ice King is later seen pushing them up a hill to his castle in his wheelbarrow]
Ice King: [Groans] I need a magic back. [Cracks his back and pulls out a plastic sandwich bag] Trail mix. [Begins to pick around in it] Ick...ooh, yogurt chip. [Eats yogurt chip and puts the bag away] Tuck, tuck. [Begins to push the wheelbarrow again] Aww man.
[In the Ice King's castle Ice King comes into a room with a jail cell in a room where Lumpy Space Princess, Hot Dog Princess, Emerald Princess, Ghost Princess, Slime Princess, Raggedy Princess, and Wildberry Princess held captive]
Ice King: I'm back home! Hello, ladies!
[The princesses begin to mutter in panic]
Ice King: Now, now. I've brought you a baby and a puppy. [Tosses Finn and Jake into the room, where they smash against the wall and are freed from the ice]
Wildberry Princess: Finn! Are you okay?
Finn: Huh, Wildberry Princess? Hot Dog Princess? W-what's goin' on?
Slime Princess: We're all prisoners, Finn.
Finn: Ice King!
Ice King: What?
Finn: Why are you keeping these girls prisoners, jerk?
Ice King: You don't understand! I collect princesses because I want to marry one.
Jake: Well, why'd you capture six of them if you just want to marry one?
Ice King: I'm collecting them all first to be sure I make the right choice. You're both too young to understand, but marriage is a serious thing and lasts forever. You can't just rush into it, you know?
Finn: Ice King, don't do this. Just let the girls go. They don't want to be here.
Ice King: Of course they do! I would have k**ed them already if they didn't want to be here. Right ladies? [Shoots ice lighting from his fingers] Zzhp Zzhp.
Finn: [Sighs] Don't worry, princesses. I pledge that Jake and I will protect each and everyone of you and furthermore I see all of you happily married to whatever sweet thing y'all want to be married to!
Slime Princess: Yay!
Ice King: [Grumbles]
Finn: Rad! All I need is something to spear the Ice King with. [Begins to search through his backpack] Binoculars... toothbrush... quilt... [Worried tone] sweater... trail mix... my flute! [Pulls out a broken, bandaged flute and plays it]
[Finn throws the flute at Ice King, and it falls apart before it gets out of the cell]
Finn: My flute!
Jake: Aw, nuts, dude! You broke it when we tried picking the lock to that sad ogre's heart!
Finn: Darn it!
[Ice King laughs and does a little dance]
Ice King: Princesses, did you see? Did you see Finn fail?
Jake: Don't worry, Finn. I'll get us out of here with Key Hand! Hah-hah! [Uses Key Hand]
Ice King: Oh, no you won't! [Freezes Jake from the neck down]
Ice King: Eat it.
Jake: [Frozen] I... I'm okay.
Finn: Ice King! You better either set us free or come in here and fight me cause otherwise I'm gonna flip out!!!
[Finn flails his arms and legs at the Ice King through the bars but he doesn't even touch him]
Ice King: Oh, are you trying to hit me? Well, excuse me because I have to go potty in the bathroom. [Goes to the bathroom]
Finn: ICE KING!!!...
Finn: Huh? Jake, you alright?
Jake: I'm fine, buddy. Calm down and tend to the princesses.
Finn: Oh my gosh. I'm sorry, princesses. Slime Princess, are you alright?
Slime Princess: He's held us here for weeks, questioning us about our favorite sports and quirky behavior. I've tried to tell him as little as possible.
Finn: I understand. And, Lumpy Space Princess, how do you fair?
Lumpy Space Princess: I'm bored, and I'm not having any fun.
Ice King: [Returning] What? Not having any fun? But last night I read you the story of "Baby Whatsit and the Bottle Prince."
Lumpy Space Princess: That wasn't fun. That was lame.
Ice King: Other princesses, do you feel the same way?
[The princesses mumble]
Ice King: Well, here, watch. I'll show you. We'll have some fun. Fun's my middle name.
[He goes to his electric piano and play a tune and hums along with it]
Ice King: Here, now, Wildberry Princess. I need you to play this. [Puts the piano by the cell]
Wildberry Princess: I don't know how.
Ice King: Well, come here, I'll teach you. Put your hand through the bars, atta princess, and uh... [Guides Wildberry Princess' hand to play the tune]
Wildberry Princess: I don't think I can.
Ice King: Just play it like I showed you.
Finn: Leave her alone, Ice King!
Ice King: PLAY IT OR I'LL SQUISH YOU INTO JUICE!!!
Wildberry Princess: Oh dear! [Plays the tune]
Ice King: Yeah, keep playing it. Now everyone pick up an instrument and play it. Oh, this is going to be so much fun!
[Finn growls and Ice King goes to his drums and begins going into an drum solo out of key with the music the princesses are playing, Finn looks around]
Jake: What are you thinking, Finn?
Finn: I've almost devised a plan. I'm gonna let him drum till' I've finalized the details in my mind.
[Ice King continues to drum until he pushes the drums apart and laughs]
Ice King: Oh, that was fun!
Finn: Ah! It was fun! Hey, you should get some more fun stuff.
Ice King: You're right! Good idea, Finn.
Finn: "Good idea," indeed.
Ice King: I hope they think I'm fun. [He leaves]
Finn: Alright. I've got a plan on how to get out of here. First everyone needs to be dancing and laughing and saying fun stuff like "Whoopee"! Okay, when the Ice King comes back, everyone play it up, like we want him to come inside the jail and party with us and when he steps inside, I'm gonna beat the tar out of him with these... [Shows his fists] ...while you all take care of Jake. Everyone on board with this?
[The princesses mumble in agreement]
Jake: Sweet plan, dude!
Lumpy Space Princess: I think by everyone saying "whoopee" the plan won't work cause he'll know we're faking it.
Finn: Good point, Lumpy Space Princess.
Lumpy Space Princess: I'm gonna say something fun like "Oh yeah, I'm having a fun time! Oh my gosh, havin' the best time I've ever had in my entire life!"
[Ice King reenters the room with a board game]
Ice King: Make way for the fun tray! Whoa, what's happening?
[Everyone in the jail cell is partying]
Ice King: What is this?
Finn: We're having fun! Whoopee!
Ice King: Because I left the room?
Jake: Because they like it here. Because they like you. Because you're a really fun guy!
Ice King: I don't get this.
Finn: [whispering] He's not buying it. Dance harder.
[They dance faster]
Lumpy Space Princess: Come on in here and party.
Finn: Wanna dance with us, Ice King? Come on!
Ice King: Me? You want to dance with me?
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh yeah! Whoo! Woohoo!
Ice King: [Drops the board game] Wow! [Opens cell door and walks in] Yes! Yes! Whoopee!
[Finn jump kicks him and the princesses run out of the room carrying Jake]
Ice King: Wait, no! [Shoots ice lighting at Emerald Princess, but she avoids it] Don't leave! I'll k** you all! [Finn punches him and Ice King tries to push him away] Why are you doing this? Everyone was finally warming up to me.
Finn: No! That is not the case! You're nuts, man! And I don't know how to help you! Probably because I'm just a simple dude. So maybe you should talk to someone with more life experience, like Jake!
[Jake is being ice picked free by Hot Dog Princess and Wildberry Princess]
Jake: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Finn, what are you doing? Don't dump the Ice King on me!
Finn: But you gotta get it in you're head, man! Putting princesses in jail is wrong!
[Ice King jumps up]
Ice King: Bah! Finn, you just ruined my chances with 5 or 6 potential wives! For that you will... [Finn punches him in the beard] Ohh! Oh, my beard. [Finn roundhouse kicks him into a wall where his crown falls off and he loses consciousness]
[In a dream Ice King is having, he is flying through space, naked and covered by his beard]
Ice King: Why do people not like me? Is it because I'm a magic user or is my beard too shaggy? [Sighs] I try so hard to be a good husband for girls. What's wrong with me?
[The Cosmic Owl appears]
Comic Owl: Hoo. You're a sociopath.
Ice King: Who are you? [Laughs] I know. You're probably a--a big nerd! Why don't you try being cool like me? [Flies away laughing when he regains consciousness and is being tickled by penguins] Star dust is so ticklish! [Laughs until he opens his eyes] What happened? Princesses? Ohhh...
[Outside in the Ice Kingdom, Jake is carrying Finn and the princesses on his back, everyone is cheering happily]
Slime Princess: Thank you, Finn.
Finn: [Picks her up] You're welcome, Slime Princess!
Slime Princess: And remember when you vowed to marry us to the thing of our choosing?
Slime Princess: Well, I'd like to marry you.
[Everyone else there goes "Oooo"]
Finn: [Awkwardly] Oh, heh heh, well how 'bout that...[whispers] Jake, help me!
Jake: Oh, eh... Slime Princess, you shouldn't marry Finn. He pees his pants constantly. All the time.
[The princesses all go "Ewww"]
Slime Princess: Oh, gross! Put me down! Put me down!!
Finn: Heh heh, I'm sorry. Jake! [Angrily grunts]