Title: The Enchiridion! [The episode begins with all of the Candy People, along with Finn and Jake, dancing in the Candy Kingdom]
Finn: Candy Party! Jake! This party is so crazy!
Jake: I know, Finn! I know! [Laughing]
Gumdrop La** 1: So, Finn... Do you have a girlfriend?
Gumdrop La** 2: Oh, my gosh! I can't believe you just said that.
Punchy: [Laughing] What a wonderful, marvelous party!
Cinnamon Bun: Ok. I'm gonna do it. Ok-ok-ok. Everyone watch! I'm gonna do a flip!
[Cinnamon Bun stumbles backward and hits his head on a tower wall, cracking it]
Cinnamon Bun: Oh no!
[The crack streaks upward toward the balcony where Princess Bubblegum is dancing]
[The tower crumbles and Princess Bubblegum falls]
Finn: Princess Bubblegum's in trouble!
[Finn runs towards the tower and bumps into a Candy Person]
Candy Person: Watch where you're going!
[Princess Bubblegum continues to fall towards the ground]
Princess Bubblegum: Ahhhhhhhhhh!
[Finn dives towards Bubblegum and catches her just before she hits the ground]
[The Candy People gasp and murmur]
Princess Bubblegum: Please! Calm yourselves, my people. I am safe! Oh, thank you, Finn. You truly are my hero this day.
Princess Bubblegum: [Pondering] Hero... Hmmm... Heeeeerroooo... Hey, I just thought of something!
Finn: Uhh... What'd you think of?
Princess Bubblegum: I'll show you. Come on! We'll go through my secret entrance. [To the Candy People] Alright, everyone. Turn around.
[The Candy People and Jake stare blankly at Princess Bubblegum]
Princess Bubblegum: [Whispering] Well, turn around. This entrance is secret.
Candy People: Oh.
[The Candy People and Jake turn around]
Princess Bubblegum: [Pulling a brick out of a wall, exposing a hole] Math. Hurry, Finn!
Finn: [Laughing] No way!
[Princess Bubblegum and Finn both dive into the hole in the wall]
[Finn reaches back out and pulls the brick in, covering the hole again]
Princess Bubblegum: [Pulling a yellow globe out of a chest] Here it is. Check it out.
Finn: A magical globe?
Princess Bubblegum: No, Finn. It's what you can see through the globe.
[An image of a book appears in the globe]
Princess Bubblegum: [Giggle] Look. See this book?
Finn: Yeah, I see it!
Princess Bubblegum: It's called the Enchiridion. It's a book meant only for heroes who's hearts are righteous.
Princess Bubblegum: The book lies at the top of Mount Cragdor, guarded by a manly minotaur. It's waiting for a truly righteous hero to claim it!
Finn: Do you think I've got the goods, Bubblegum? Cause I am in to this stuff!
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, I know. And yes, I do.
Finn: Then off I go!
[Finn jumps out of a high tower window]
[Jake stretches up to catch Finn]
Finn: Thanks, pal.
Princess Bubblegum: [Waiving] Farewell, Fi- Oh, wait a minute... [reaching into her belt, she pulls out a handkerchief and waves it] Farewell, Finn the human boy!
Finn: Bye, Princess! [To Jake] You know what time it is, buddy?
Jake: Aaaaadventure time?
Finn: Yeah, man!
[The scene changes; Finn and Jake are now at a gate in a wall surrounding Mount Cragdor]
Key-per: Greetings, young heroes to be. This mountain is called Cragdor. Its purpose is two-fold: To protect the Enchiridion and to test the hearts of those who seek to possess it. Many noble challengers have entered the temple to pa** the grueling trials that lie behind these walls, but no one has ever left here alive or dead! Only the truest most worthy hero can receive the heroes' Enchiridion and walk out these doors again! If it is you, friend, [giggles] and I cannot say that I am certain, but you are verily welcome to try; However, first you must pa** my riddle. My name is Key-per, and duly so, for I carry the key to this door, but all is not how it appears, you see. Or perhaps you do not see at all. [Giggles] Perhaps the key is in you, child, but you cannot use your brawn here. The door is magically sealed.
[Finn picks up Key-per, shoves his head into the key-hole and turns him]
Key-per: Oh ho! You've unlocked the riddle of the door. [Laughing] Brilliantly done, child! Please, reveal to me how you unraveled my clue.
Finn: I just thought you'd look cute stuffed in that lock.
Key-per: Oh, yes. That's how most people get in.
Key-per: You've pa**ed the first trial, young heroes, but prepare yourselves! [To the camera] For there are many trials ahead of you, and each trial is more treacherous than the last.
Jake: [Sniffs] Enchiridion is... [sniffs more, points] That way.
Finn: What?! Dude! You can't smell the book from here!
Jake: It's in the castle on top of the mountain. [Sniffs] In a room. [Laughing and tapping his nose] Wish you had one, huh?
[Finn hears the voices yelling for help]
Finn: [Running towards the voices] This way!
Jake: What about the book?
Finn: It can wait. Someone needs our help.
[Finn jumps over brambles and lands on his face]
Jake: Yo, Finn. Are you alright? Did you get brain damage?
Finn: I'm fine! Keep going! We have to hurry!
[Finn and Jake come up on three gnomes trapped in a lava pit. Finn reaches in and pulls them out]
Finn: I gotcha.
Red Gnome: Thank you for saving us. [Voice becomes menacing] Now we can destroy this old lady!
[The gnomes fly towards an old lady who is tied to a stake]
Old Lady: La la la-la!
[The gnomes zap the old lady with magic and she disappears]
Red Gnome: Every time you say "what" we'll destroy and old lady.
Finn: [Shocked] What?!
[The gnomes zap another old lady and she disappears]
Red Gnome: Every time you say "no" we'll destroy an old lady.
Finn: [Panicked] No! Wai...
[The gnomes zap three more old ladies]
[The Red Gnome zaps an old lady]
Finn: Don't destroy...
[The Orange Gnome zaps an old lady]
[The Blue Gnome zaps an old lady]
Finn: Old women.
Red Gnome: Every time you look sad we'll destroy a big old woman!
Big Old Woman: Well... Ever since I got the... [Zapping sounds] Ahhhh!
Red Gnome: [To other gnomes] Hey, guys. Every time he's a big wuss, let's destroy and old lady.
Other Gnomes: [Laughing] Yeah!
[Finn runs off, distressed]
Jake: Hey! Back off, you gnomes! That kid just saved you guys! You should thank him, not destroy old ladies! Do you even know what I'm talking about? Say thank you! Say... Thank... You.
Red Gnome: k** him!
[The gnomes try zapping Jake with magic, but Jake twists his body and grabs the gnomes]
Jake: [Shoving the gnomes back into the lava pit] Get back in there!
[Jake walks towards Finn as the gnomes scream for help]
Jake: Hey, Finn. You ok?
Finn: No way, dude. Those old ladies are destroyed because of me. I'm not righteous. I'm wrongteous. Stupidteous.
Jake: Awww. Don't let those gnomes and their illusions get you down. They're just gnomes and illusions.
Jake: Yeah, man. Think. What would regular, old, sweet ladies be doing wandering the hills of Mount Cragdor?
Finn: Maybe they're lost?
Jake: [Laughing] No way. This place is designed to mess you up. To mess with your head. None of this is real. It's all just trials to test your heroic attributes.
Finn: Hmmm... Hmmm!
Jake: Now let's go get that book.
Finn: Yeah! You're the smartest dog I know, man.
[Jake laughs and then gets eaten by a giant ogre]
Finn: Jake? Jaaaaaaaake!
Ogre: You cannot pa**!
Finn: Gimme back my friend!
Jake: [Popping out of the ogre's nostril] It's ok, Finn! I can get out!
[The ogre shoves his finger into his nostril, pushing Jake back inside]
Finn: Let Jake go, or I'll... [kicking the ogre's foot] I'll kick your foot!
Ogre: [Laughing] It is impossible for you to hurt me!
Jake: [Popping out of the ogre's ear and laughing] Don't worry, dude! I found another way-oof!
[The ogre shoves his finger into his ear, pushing Jake back inside]
Finn: Huh? [Starts climbing the ogre's leg] I'm coming, buddy!
Ogre: [Long burp] I think your dog finally fell into my stomach. Hey... Where'd you go?
Finn: [Pulling a giant dollar out of the ogre's wallet] I got your wallet, man!
[Finn grabs opposite edges of the dollar and glides away on it like a hang-glider]
Ogre: No! My big money! Give it back!
Finn: Give me back my friend!
Ogre: But I k**ed him already!
Finn: [Crying] Fine. [Angry] I'll give you your dollar. [Yelling] Here's your dollaaaaaarrrrr!
[Finn glides back towards the ogre and does a flying kick into the his stomach]
[The ogre's stomach rumbles and liquid begins to pour out of his mouth]
[The liquid jets out of his mouth and Jake comes out with it]
Jake: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa-oa!
Finn: [Gliding on the dollar towards Jake] Jake! [Grabbing Jake with his feet] You're ok!
Jake: [Laughingly] Stomachs are weird.
[Finn uses the dollar to glide to the entrance of a stone temple near the top of the mountain]
Jake: Dude! You just flew us all the way to the top! Wait a minute. [Sniff] I can smell the book right through this door.
Ogre: [Crying in the distance] You're under arrest for stealing my dollar! [Crying again]
Finn: Just a minute, Jake.
[Finn folds the dollar into a paper airplane and launches it towards the ogre]
[The ogre catches the dollar and laughs happily]
Jake: You know what that was? That was righteous.
Finn: Thanks, Jake. Now sniff out that book for me.
Jake: You got it!
[Finn picks up Jake and walks into the temple with him; Jake is sniffing the air]
[They walk into a long hallway with arms holding knives sticking out from the pillars]
Dark Magician: Congratulations, Finn the human. You must be truly righteous to have made it this far.
Finn: Thank you.
Dark Magician: Now! Enter my brain-world, and I will show you some aspect of yourself that you're not entirely aware of.
[Black clouds part and Finn is in a gray, misty area]
Finn: Where... am I?
Dark Magician: [Disembodied voice] For your final trial, slay the beast!
[The Heart Beast, a giant heart with a glowing skeleton-arm, lands on the ground]
Finn: Why? Is it an evil beast?
Dark Magician: Yeeeeessss. It's completely evil. Will you slay it?
Finn: Shoot, yeah. I'll slay anything that's evil. That's my deal.
[The beast attacks Finn, but Finn dodges and jumps on top of the beast]
[Finn punches the beast until it bursts, gushes blood, and its body falls the ground]
Dark Magician: Yeeeeessss! You've done well, hero.
Finn: Thank you.
Dark Magician: Now! As one last, last trial... Slay this ant!
Finn: Is it evil?
Dark Magician: No! But it's not good either. It's, uh, neutral. Will you slay it?
[Finn looks at the ant and raises his fist]
Finn: [Slamming his fist down next to the ant] No!
Dark Magician: If you want the heroes' Enchiridion, then slay this unaligned ant!
Finn: Never. Never. Never!
Dark Magician: [Back in the real world] Uh oh.
[Finn kicks the Dark Magician in the crotch and the cloak falls to the ground, red mist pouring out]
Key-per: [Dressed like a devil] Congratulations, Finn the human. Now you have truly reached...
[Finn runs up and punches Key-per in the stomach]
Finn: Oh, no! Mr. Key-per! I-I'm sorry. Why are you wearing that little devil costume?
Key-per: These are my pajamas. I was getting ready for bed.
Mannish Man: [Running in] Finn... Jake... You made it!
Finn: Are you another trial?
Mannish Man: Trial? Oh, no! [Laughing] I'm Mannish Man, the minotaur.
Finn: [Gasp] The manly minotaur from Princess Bubblegum's story!
[Mannish Man laughs and flexes his muscles at Finn]
Finn: So, can I check out the Enchiridion? Can I? Can I? Can I?
Mannish Man: Yeah. Come on. Let's go check it out. [Running off] Woohoo!
[Finn, Jake, Mannish Man and Key-per are walking up to a picnic table]
Mannish Man: We've been watching you guys on our magical viewing globe. Take a seat guys, have some juice. There's grape and apple and the gatekeeper made spaghetti. And... Alright, Finn. Are you ready for this?
[Mannish Man pulls out the Enchiridion and makes a small explosion noise with his mouth]
Finn: The Enchiridion!
Mannish Man: [Handing the book to Finn] You deserve it, Finn.
Mannish Man: Yeah, Finn. You're the goodest of heart and most righteous hero I've seen here. Tenderness, ingenuity, bravery, nard-kicking ability, and when you took that giant ogre's dollar... [Laughing] Oh, man! The Key-per nearly fainted!
Key-per: It's true!
Jake: [Laughing] Hey! Crack open that book and read something for fun's sake, alright?
Finn: Oh, yeah. [Opens book] Whoa. How to Kiss Princesses? [Giggles]
Jake: Whoa. What'd you just read?
Princess Bubblegum: [Appearing on the magical viewing globe] Yeah. What does it say, Finn? Mannish Man won't tell me.
Mannish Man: [Whispering to Finn] Hey. Don't tell her, Finn.
Finn: It doesn't say anything, Princess.
Princess Bubblegum: [Annoyed] Mannish man!
[Mannish Man shrugs at Princess Bubblegum]
Finn: [Leaping into the air] Awwww... Yeah!